Pulling a Tora right now

I can't even remember the last time I updated my journal....I've never let it become this dead before!

Everyone, my birthday is fast approaching. I am living in fear of this day. My mind is having a bit of trouble wrapping around this latest year I'm afraid.

Mou...I don't even know what to ask for! Honestly, I wasn't expecting anything so if I get anything I'll be happy.

Ink and Music notes

It's irrational how my heart can still flutter
Though ripped and riddled with scars

I can still blush a sweet crimson
Though the color has been drained from my world

Is this love?

The darkness doesn't seem as ominous
Yet the light seems dim compared to you

I can push away my darkness
And feel the warmth of your light on my skin, in my heart

Is this love?
  • Current Music
    Beautiful Goodbye--f(x)
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In the rain I stand

bitterness everlasting streaming

pooling in wide, un-shaded eyes

bits of my heart crash about

so loud, yet soft as unspoken dreams

whispered in silence and swallowed up by the dark.
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If I slit my wrists,music notes and ink would spill forth

 Today has been a giant mess of worry and hectic cooking.

It was supposed to SNOW today of all things...but it was just frigid instead so yay for no snow! I would like the spring to come though...this year i'm going to try and kick my lack of skirt and dress love and wear them more often...I started last summer, but mostly failed aside from my birthday.

My mom has caught something terrible and she's been pretty sick for the whole weekend. I thought that maybe she had caught the stomach virus my aunt had but it doesn't seem to be the problem...I made her stay home from church today so I could look after her. I took over most of dinner as well, and it was pretty good, if I do say so myself! XDDD

I also hunted around and got myself some shiny new icons, from ledagrafics  today. They are simply perfection.

Nee mama wa doko ni iru no?

 I've been avoiding the internet since news of the earthquake and tsunami that has ravaged Japan. So many many lives have been lost already, and countless more can not be found --today on the news, I heard that a town has 9,500 people unaccounted for.

I broke down and cried like a baby last night when the bodies started to wash up, and in the back of my mind I always worry that it will be someone's child, or sister, or husband and it tears me up inside. I know that logically, I shouldn't feel so attached to this disaster but I can't help but feel like it's my own brothers and sisters i'm losing, even from thousands of miles away...

Since Sendai was was one of the areas hit the hardest, I immediately thought of Nightmare--selfish? Probably, but they are safe, and hopefully all their family members are accounted for. A handy list has been created online of all the musicians, actors, etc. that have checked in and are alive and well...jpopasia has one, and there's one on tokyohive as well as the ultra helpful Google People Finder. For the most part, all the bands were either in Tokyo when the earthquake hit or were able to get to safety and tell someone they were alive.

Then today was a fresh wave of bad news with the death toll rising overnight from 100 to 686, and this reactor explosion scare along with the 125 aftershocks that they are still experiencing...I will continue to pray hard for their recovery.

Writer's Block: Happy, happy, joy, joy

Which song makes you happy every time you hear it, and why?

Oh goodness that's quite a list actually, but these are my absolute favorites.

one way, SID

Mao has such a way with words, and this song is about his journey to fame. He's living his dream, and it's very inspiring to listen to!

Parade, AYABIE

Yumehito is just a bundle of rainbow sparkles, and his voice is so bouncy you can't help but smile.

Blue Planet, Alice Nine

Whenever I hear the song I think of the PV which is the cutest thing!

Minimoni! Strawberry Pie, Minimoni

I used to love them when I was younger, and the song still makes me smile when I hear it.


It's just been one of those days I guess. I wish I could say that today was like, horrible or something; but it wasn't and I actually laughed for the majority of my day at work--those 3-5 year old kids are a RIOT.

I feel jittery, like there's something I was supposed to do and I didn't do it...which also makes no sense because I worked my ass off and almost had to be pushed out of the door so, what the hell is the issue?

  • Current Music
    ケミカルパレードブルーデイ--Chemical Parade Blueday--MUCC
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This is sikeopath, signing in to prove that I haven't died recently. This is the first time i've logged into Lj in almost a month...f-list how are you all doing? I've been so unplugged from everything so i'm terribly late on quite a few things...

First off,

OMG April (mondler4ever ) congratuations on winning Albright's Got Talent! I know it probably doesn't mean much since it's so late and after the fact, but I am really proud of you hon! Monday nights and Tuesdays are good days for Skype-ing if you're interested April :)

It does my heart good to know my friends are succeeding in the things they put their minds life is in shambles right now, but at least someone is persuing their dreams you know? I refuse to turn into a bitter harpy like my mother.

Also, though I have no idea when it became a ritual to read Suzy's rambly yet entertaining posts about who knows what...I find myself really missing reading her journal. This speaks things on a deeper level that I am loathe to admit to myself but I don't have the luxuruy to simply sit about and delve into my's quite scary in there, and as long as no one upsets the precarious balance in there, I am content to leave well enough alone.

tingedwords , I miss you, and once life gets out of my way I will read that stray chapter of Blind Games and say something about it...


You know, somdays I wish that, for just a moment, I could be somone else.

This is what the inside of my mind looks like

It's a mess in here, i'll tell you that much.


--LMFAO PON YOU ARE KILLING ME. SERIOUSLY KID. Why oh WHY did you let Kenzo railroad you into moving in? You poor, poor, pathetic creature you.

--SOMEONE SAVE KENZO FROM THE CAGE! HELL, SEND HIROTO NO ONE WOULD EXPECT HIM...I don't think he can take much more of this sort of treament. MAO. Mao what are you playing at?

--PON STRIKES AGAIN. LITERALLY. What is with you and pillows dude? Tora you were surpreme fail this time...and you can't even throw Aki out...this will be interesting.



--No more Bakuretsu! because Sakito is starting to cloud my OTP. Saki stop being cute dude, just QUIT IT!

--Camille and Donovan are fierce betches. Vivid Black <3

I told you it was a mess in there.