I can't even remember the last time I updated my journal....I've never let it become this dead before!
Everyone, my birthday is fast approaching. I am living in fear of this day. My mind is having a bit of trouble wrapping around this latest year I'm afraid.
Mou...I don't even know what to ask for! Honestly, I wasn't expecting anything so if I get anything I'll be happy.
It's irrational how my heart can still flutter
Though ripped and riddled with scars
I can still blush a sweet crimson
Though the color has been drained from my world
Is this love?
The darkness doesn't seem as ominous
Yet the light seems dim compared to you
I can push away my darkness
And feel the warmth of your light on my skin, in my heart
Is this love?
In the rain I stand
bitterness everlasting streaming
pooling in wide, un-shaded eyes
bits of my heart crash about
so loud, yet soft as unspoken dreams
whispered in silence and swallowed up by the dark.
I've been avoiding the internet since news of the earthquake and tsunami that has ravaged Japan. So many people...so many lives have been lost already, and countless more can not be found --today on the news, I heard that a town has 9,500 people unaccounted for.
I broke down and cried like a baby last night when the bodies started to wash up, and in the back of my mind I always worry that it will be someone's child, or sister, or husband and it tears me up inside. I know that logically, I shouldn't feel so attached to this disaster but I can't help but feel like it's my own brothers and sisters i'm losing, even from thousands of miles away...
Since Sendai was was one of the areas hit the hardest, I immediately thought of Nightmare--selfish? Probably, but they are safe, and hopefully all their family members are accounted for. A handy list has been created online of all the musicians, actors, etc. that have checked in and are alive and well...jpopasia has one, and there's one on tokyohive as well as the ultra helpful Google People Finder. For the most part, all the bands were either in Tokyo when the earthquake hit or were able to get to safety and tell someone they were alive.
Then today was a fresh wave of bad news with the death toll rising overnight from 100 to 686, and this reactor explosion scare along with the 125 aftershocks that they are still experiencing...I will continue to pray hard for their recovery.
It's just been one of those days I guess. I wish I could say that today was like, horrible or something; but it wasn't and I actually laughed for the majority of my day at work--those 3-5 year old kids are a RIOT.
I feel jittery, like there's something I was supposed to do and I didn't do it...which also makes no sense because I worked my ass off and almost had to be pushed out of the door so, what the hell is the issue?
It's a mess in here, i'll tell you that much.
--OH NO TORA HOW COULD YOU UNDERMINE KENZO LIKE THAT? IT'S BAD ENOUGH YOU JUST TREAT HIM LIKE A CHEW TOY...Now he has to go and play whore because you told him to. FEELING A BIT POSSESSIVE THERE TIGER?
--LMFAO PON YOU ARE KILLING ME. SERIOUSLY KID. Why oh WHY did you let Kenzo railroad you into moving in? You poor, poor, pathetic creature you.
--SOMEONE SAVE KENZO FROM THE CAGE! HELL, SEND HIROTO NO ONE WOULD EXPECT HIM...I don't think he can take much more of this sort of treament. MAO. Mao what are you playing at?
--PON STRIKES AGAIN. LITERALLY. What is with you and pillows dude? Tora you were surpreme fail this time...and you can't even throw Aki out...this will be interesting.
--JOSEPH GO AWAY. JOSEPH GO AWAY. JOSEPH GO AWAY. JOSEPH GO AWAY YOU ARE 16 AND I AM TOO SWEET FOR PRISON...THEY WOULD EAT ME ALIVE! >_<
--GEMINI. HOH SHIT, I CANNOT WAIT FOR FEBRUARY. SAGA YOUR HAIR IS FIERCE HONEY WERK IT. KING&QUEEN WILL BE KICKASS LIVE, I JUST KNOW IT.
--TOTALLY DIGGING SHOU'S STYLE THIS GO AROUND. HIGH NOTES SHOU? HELL YES I LOVE IT.
--No more Bakuretsu! because Sakito is starting to cloud my OTP. Saki stop being cute dude, just QUIT IT!
--Camille and Donovan are fierce betches. Vivid Black <3
I told you it was a mess in there.
Kagrra, is disbanding in March.
Ayabie disbanded last year in like, August--but they rebanded thank the lord...
and now I find out that Vidoll is disbanding soon.
My feelings are rather hurt by this, even though I haven't really listened to their music in awhile.